When you sit with a friend at lunch, do you keep your cell phone on the table? If you do, the mere presence of your phone can change the quality of the encounter.
鈥淧eople keep the conversation on topics where they won鈥檛 mind being interrupted,鈥 writes Sherry Turkle, in her recent article 鈥.鈥 聽鈥淭hey don鈥檛 feel as invested in each other. Even a silent phone disconnects us.鈥澛
Translation: Topics of conversation remain shallow, fleeting, and possibly irrelevant.聽 Who wants to risk a novel idea or personal thought when someone at the table will receive it with a nod and then look down at her cell phone?
College students reported to Turkle, a professor of technology and social science at MIT, how they divided their attention during conversations鈥攆or example, in the dining hall. Among five or six people, etiquette demands that you check to see that at least three people are paying attention to the discussion before you give yourself permission to look down at your phone.
鈥淪o conversation proceeds, but with different people having their heads up at different times,鈥 writes Turkle. 鈥淭he effect is what you would expect: Conversation is kept relatively light, on topics where people feel they can drop in and out.鈥
Technology can make our lives more enriching and fruitful. But, we have to make sure that we use the technology, and not vice versa. It seems to me that the 鈥渞ule of three鈥 represents the latter鈥攑eople so enslaved to their phones that they鈥檒l give up human interaction for a witty text message, a silly video, or a newsfeed about Donald Trump.聽
Individuals, schools, businesses, and others must be careful with technology鈥攖o use it but not embrace it鈥攂ecause, frankly, it鈥檚 better to embrace a flesh-and-blood human being.